Whenever I hear something I find interesting or see something that sparks a creative fire in me, I make a note of it on my phone. I’m sure I’m not alone in this practice. However, sometimes my notes are not all that clear. Half a sentence here, shorthand there, a name.
I was looking at the “blog ideas” list on my phone and noticed one line: living in congruence. Hmmm. That’s interesting. I don’t even know what that means, let alone write a blog about it. So, my curiosity got the best of me, and I googled the phrase. Living in congruence: when the outside matches the inside. Or, when the image you project of yourself to others is how you think of yourself inside, you are living in congruence. Cool! And based on the way I’ve been feeling lately, a bit serendipitous.
In fact, the last time I had my Akashic records read, my main question was, “How can I live more authentically?”
Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Be congruent. Be authentic. Be your true self.” I totally agree with that, but I admit that it can be challenging. I struggle with feeling authentic. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! I am also naturally curious and like to try different things. Sometimes that leaves me surrounded by people I don’t always see eye-to-eye with on certain subjects. But to let my true self come out would create barriers. So, how do you know when to be congruent?
It’s funny how things happen and how the clues or answers to your soul’s questions are there if you are open to receiving them. Perhaps the seeds of congruence were planted when I first saw the beautiful banners of the All Beings Confluence art project housed at my workplace. The difference in words is subtle: congruence/confluence. Congruence is, as said above, agreeing or corresponding; confluence is where two flowing bodies of water come together and form one. I’m not sure if I mistakenly thought it was All Beings in Congruence or what happened. Maybe something totally unrelated.
By the way, All Beings Confluence began in 2010 as a community-based project. It was inspired by a song written by Carolyn McDade, in particular the question, “What do we remember here otherwise forgotten? What do we remember that we must ne’er forget?” Four artists took the idea and, through a series of workshops, invited participants to create long sheer panels, each representing a living Being. These panels are never alone; they always hang with others, and people are encouraged to walk through the panels, recognizing the human part in the interconnected world.
But back to the topic of this blog: living in congruence. How many times have you been asked, “How are you?” and you reply, “I’m good,” when really you feel horrible, physically and mentally? It happens to all of us. Most of the time, the person asking doesn’t care how you are; it is just a formality, a way of greeting someone. And often, we don’t want to share our woes, aches, and pains with someone in passing. That is not living in congruence.
I suspect many of us do not live in congruence. Sometimes it is better not to, especially if what you are really feeling inside could be hurtful or insulting to someone or something else. Psychiatrist Carl Jung claimed that humans have a self that they show to the world. This is fine, but problems can arise when we forget who we truly are and live that outside persona. This can lead to confusion, identity issues, and a loss of self.
In the 1950s, American psychologist Carl Rogers introduced the theory of psychological congruence. He claimed that congruence is a big part of self-actualization, and when we are in a congruent state, we feel at peace and have more clarity about what we are doing. When we are living in a state of incongruence, we may struggle with emotions and anxiety. This can lead to isolation, and the list of negative points goes on and on.
Living in congruence also plays an important role in maintaining our integrity, which means a better overall quality of life. I mean, it’s one thing to show integrity in public to gain acceptance or social status, but it’s another to completely deviate from those values when behind closed doors. It is kind of like living a double life, right? Wow, look at how many elected officials don’t live in congruence!
Stephen Covey touches on this concept. “There are certain things that are fundamental to human fulfillment. The essence of these needs is captured in the phrase ‘to live, to love, to learn, to leave a legacy.’ The need to leave a legacy is our spiritual need to have a sense of meaning, purpose, personal congruence, and contribution.”
Most of us don’t spend our days wondering if we are living in congruence. (Some of us, like me, didn’t even know what it meant until this blog post came along!) We just plod along, appreciating the good days and bemoaning the bad. But think about the last time you had a good day. What were you doing? Was it something that aligned with your values, made you feel good, made your heart soar, and made you feel alive? Think about your last bad day, and yes, we all have them. I bet what you were doing was not something you were passionate about. It was something that did not resonate with your spirit.
Living in congruence means keeping our values in check. And our dreams! So many of those dreams fell by the wayside as we grew up, took on more responsibilities, and spent less time with ourselves. Now, as retired folk, it is time to revitalize those dreams. Sure, some may need to be adjusted, but if you explore your dreams, you will recognize your values shining through.
If you’ve been feeling a bit annoyed with yourself, or maybe like there is something missing, you may be living incongruence. (Note that there is no space between in and congruence. That makes the word incongruence the opposite of congruence. Weird, right?) Don’t fear; it is possible to get back to living in congruence. (Check that space!) Try listing your values. Are you living them, or are you surrounding yourself with things that go against what you believe? Or jot down three words that you think describe yourself. Now compare those words to how your actions have been of late. I bet you anything that they do not align. So, bring it back into perspective. Be mindful of what you are saying or doing and how you are feeling. Good luck!
Trust is congruence between what you say and what you do. –Peter Drucker
Interesting Reads & Things
The Integral Role of Integrity | Psychology Today
How to be Congruent and Why It’s So Important (writechangegrow.com)
Living a congruent life in todays world is a big ask. | timothykitching.com
evaluate your life against a standard | Curtis Fisher
What does congruence mean? (youtube.com)
The importance of being congruent (youtube.com)
Harmonizing Within: The Path to Personal Congruence and Authentic Living (youtube.com)
Wanderings Art 