“Our journey through the second half of life is above all a psychospiritual journey. It’s a time for what Carl Jung called ‘individuation’ – the process by which each of us becomes more whole, and fully embodies the unique gift which we bring to this world, at this time.” These are the words of Dr. Sharon Blackie, author of several books including Hagitude: Reimagining the Second Half of Life, published in September of 2022.
Hagitude presents a different perspective on women, menopause, and aging. It is a contemporary perspective, accompanied by tales of powerful female legends from throughout the ages. And really, when it comes right down to it, she is absolutely right. Blackie’s argument is that menopause is not the end of life—a time of decline and something to be feared—but the start of a new phase of life, one in which women can flourish and explore new avenues that they never dreamed possible. How refreshing! I mean, it is the exact opposite of what I heard growing up. Like many women of my generation, we were taught that menopause was the end of our “womanhood.” We could no longer bear children (really, who would want to at that age anyway?) We were told to watch for many things, from hot flashes to extreme mood swings, weight gain, and dry skin. We were told of the horrors of hormone therapy and possible surgical alternatives. And then, if we survived menopause, we could look forward to getting old and an increased risk of many wonderful things, including heart disease and osteoporosis. It is enough to make any 30- or 40-year-old shudder and dread the inevitable, natural aging process. But Hagitude quells that unrealistic fear and instead focuses on the delights of menopause and the following years. Yes, there are many.
That’s not to say that I sailed serenely through menopause. Of course not. My issues centred mostly around anxiety, work stress, and burnout.These were amplified by not being happy in my job and a work environment that did not always appreciate senior staff. Not to mention the younger staff who often asked, “When are you going to retire?” licking their lips greedily as I cringed and lamented turning 60. I wish I would have had something like Hagitude to read. I did have the book, Is It Hot in Here? Or is it me? The Complete Guide to Menopause, by Pat Wingert and Barbara Kantrowitz (2006). It sure came in handy.
Hagitude dispels the negative and stereotypical images we come up against about menopause and getting older. The book features the stories of little-known elder women in European myth and folklore and calls on postmenopausal women to be inspired, to reclaim their beautiful Inner Hag, and to go bravely forward, defying the tradition that society has placed on women of a certain age.
What is our inner hag? Blackie says we each carry an image of the inner hag within, reflecting our own variety of wisdom. It is the gift we have to offer to the world.
Unfortunately, many people grew up with the notion that a hag was something ugly, old, mean, and worthless. Hag and crone are pretty much synonymous. “Although the word itself is often associated with being aged and ugly and mean-spirited, to me, a Crone is a kick-ass, take-no-prisoners, damn-the-torpedoes, own-your-own-crap great kind of person to be. Entering into the time of the Crone, for me and thousands of other women (and perhaps a few fortunate men), has been nothing short of extraordinary.” (Jann Arden, If I Knew Then, 2020.)
Even Wikipedia has a negative definition of the word hag. “A hag is a wizened old woman, or a kind of fairy or goddess having the appearance of such a woman, often found in folklore and children’s tales such as “Hansel and Gretel.” Hags are often seen as malevolent, but may also be one of the chosen forms of shapeshifting deities, such as The Morrígan or Badb, who are seen as neither wholly benevolent nor malevolent.”
I used to have that “evil” image of a hag or crone. After all, I grew up with the likes of Little Red Riding Hood, Hansel and Gretel, Rapunzel, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and many other stories. They all portray older women as ugly and mean, going about casting evil spells on everyone around them. Is that just a patriarchal way of portraying older women? Covering up their wisdom, their value, and the contributions they can still make to society? Huh. Interesting how older men are rarely played in a demeaning or evil way, right? Food for thought.
“The Crone is remarkably wise and unapologetic. She is fierce and forward-thinking — someone who is at the pinnacle of her own belonging. Okay, I’m not entering the time of the Crone, I am a Crone. I am at the beginning of a new chapter in my life—a whole new book, really. And it’s one that’s going to read and unfold exactly the way I want it to.” (Jann Arden, If I Knew Then, 2020.) To read more about Jann Arden’s perspective on aging, check out a previous blog, Ageing, and Loving It – Wanderings Art.
Jann Arden and Sharon Blackie seem to have this hag/crone thing figured out. Or at least they have come to a place where they can be friends with whatever image is conjured up. It is about perspective and choices. I have chosen to enjoy this part of my life. It is a relief to not be burdened by societal norms, a relief to challenge stereotypes, and a relief to relax into myself. It is inspiring to read how Blackie blends myth, psychology, and memoir to show the different ways in which women can flourish during what has, in the past, been described as a time of decline. It’s about time! Give it some thought.
It distresses me to realize that this message is still out there. Our daughters are constantly faced with images of young women trying to prolong their youth. Beauty products, so-called health products, and therapies claim to take years off your skin and prevent or erase wrinkles. Dye grey hair. Look younger. Aaargh! Let it be! It is time these advertising campaigns looked at embracing your age, reclaiming your power, and sharing your wisdom. (Yes, I know, there are some companies that take a more sympathetic approach to women and aging, but overall, it is not a very complimentary business.)
Women in advertising is another story altogether. Back to the topic. Hagitude shares stories of obscure but powerful elder women in European folklore. Its words provide inspiration and a reminder that the last few decades of our lives could be the best.
Get to know your inner hag. Embrace her. Respect her. Let her shine! Remember, she reflects our individual wisdom, our experiences, and all the good that we have to offer this world—still, and at any age.
Interesting Reads & Things
Life After Menopause – 10 Great Indicators | Hey Spring Chicken
How To Truly Honor The 4 Stages Of Life Women Go Through | Deborah Roth | YourTango
Could Aging Be Good for Women? | Psychology Today
Aging is a woman’s secret power — and the data proves it (nbcnews.com)
Aging and the Social Value of Women | Psychology Today
Growing Old Is A Blessing | Maria Alejandro | TEDxNewYork (youtube.com)
Aging is My Super Power | Rita Moore | TEDxGreensboro – YouTube
Wanderings Art 