I don’t know. Maybe it’s because it’s Friday. Or maybe it’s because Mother Nature just dumped 15 cm of snow on us overnight. It’s mid-April, for Pete’s sake. Is Mercury in Retrograde? I don’t know. But boy, are people ever grumpy!
After a rough start to the day, I decided it was time to explore The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. I’m a relatively new fan of Mel Robbins, so I didn’t realize that this theory has been around for a few years. Wow, if only I had known. How much simpler life would be!
The Let Them Theory is based on the principle of releasing control and letting others do what they will. Create your own reality, so to speak. Does it sound hokey? Well, maybe. But when it comes right down to it, it works. It is freeing. And truthful. We can not control what others say or do. But we can control how we react. And in certain cases, such as those that cause us stress or pain, it is best if we just let them get it out of their system. We shouldn’t let it bother us. You mind your business and I’ll mind mine. Sure.
When I left my job a few years ago, I thought the nitpicking, the “I said/you said” stuff would be over. You know what I’m talking about. Those gritty, in-your-face comments that could either burst your bubble or make you fly off the handle in anger. Nope. That stuff still exists in the world after retirement. But there are more options in retirement. When we were working, we couldn’t up and quit because some people were hard to deal with—well, I did, but it took two decades and a pandemic to show me the light! Now that we are retired, it is easier to walk away. We can assess just how important the source of stress or conflict is in our lives. Chances are it’s not crucial, unless it is a family member. And Mel Robbins writes about those scenarios in her book, in case you need some guidance.
So why do we still let petty stuff bother us when we know that it is not important to our overall well-being? I think it is partly due to habit. For years we have struggled, allowing others to claim our mental space and influence our choices. We have tried to accommodate and placate. We have tried to make the best of an uncomfortable situation. We have tried to figure out ways to avoid an irritating coworker. It is tough to suddenly switch that off, especially when it is something we don’t realize we are doing. As humans, we do have varying degrees of need. The need to be loved, to be respected. The need to be liked. The Let Them theory advocates for a new way of thinking. A mindset of detachment. We should learn that letting go isn’t a sign of loss or weakness but a sign of courage. We need to give ourselves permission to not overthink things or worry about what others may think of us. Really, in the big picture, does it matter?
Studies show that the average human being has about 6,000 thoughts a day. Most are random and can’t be controlled. So why try? The Let Them theory focuses on self-empowerment, personal growth, and well-being. It is hard to change people, and once we reach a certain age (ahem), we can be pretty set in our ways. Some may call it stubborn. Fair enough. Stubborn and set in our ways—same thing. But admit it. We don’t appreciate it when someone blindsides us. And we probably don’t have a lot of those people in our lives, for obvious reasons. But every now and then, someone slips in and we need to decide whether to allow them in our personal space or not. And if so, at what level can we interact with someone without threatening our peace? It is so important for older adults to set or recreate their personal boundaries and be comfortable with them to navigate life.
I haven’t had a lot of practice executing Let Them, but so far I can say the most challenging part is learning to feel emotions without reacting.
It is important not to forget to follow through when using Let Them. When you say Let Them, you are removing yourself from others’ behaviours, opinions, and reactions. This is what you want, to free up your energy from trying to respond to people who do not want to change. And in some cases, they shouldn’t need to change. After all, everyone is entitled to their opinion, even when it is different from your own. To avoid false feelings of superiority or loss of connections, you need to think in terms of Let Me. Let me allows you to take responsibility for your own actions, thoughts, and feelings. This allows you to go forward and focus on the positive. Let Me takes your mind from the more negative, “Hah, let them do that. Tough luck” attitude, to a gentler one that adheres to your own goals.
“Let Me make decisions that align with my values. Let Me take risks because I want to. Let Me follow the path my soul is turning me toward.” writes Mel Robbins in her book.
Remember, you are only responsible for your own happiness. Not others. Yep. Easier said than done. On to the next chapter.
Interesting Reads & Things
The “Let Them” Theory – SeniorsToday
The Let Them Theory: 10 Life-Changing Lessons from Mel Robbins – Life is Positive
Embracing Detachment: The “Let Them” Theory | Psychology Today
The Let Them Theory: How to Take Back Your Peace and Power – YouTube
Author Mel Robbins explains the ‘Let Them’ approach to living
Quote by Cassie Phillips: “Just Let them. If they want to choose something…”
Wanderings Art 